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Monday, September 29th, 2003

Subject:~*~Down~*~
Time:10:56 pm.
Mood: optimistic.
~*~I gave you everything
I gave you trust and salvation
I gave you everything that I could provide
I gave you strength to stand and you shoved me
Down

I know you want me to love you
But all you ever do is bring me down
Won't you go away forever?

I've felt the world of pain
Brought me to the water and then left me dry
Took the drug from the user
Took all my strength to run then shoved me
Down

I know you want me to love you
But all you ever do is bring me down
Won't you go away forever?

It's kinda freaky just to see you crawl
And all you can do is stare
I know you're tripping
When I kick you to the curb
Like you kicked me.~*~

Down-By Fuel
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:~*~The Impossible~*~
Time:1:50 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
“One day everything is fine and the next day everything isn’t...when will it be over.”
~*~ Hi...I didn’t go to school today because I realized I couldn’t when I woke this morning. I did the impossible today and I am so relived I can’t even describe the feeling I have today. I woke up around 6 thinking about this whole fucked weekend and how everything is so fucked up. I split my wrist open, my neck was killing me, I didn’t eat a single thing the whole weekend, and I am fighting with friends. I got all dressed and what not and I went downstairs and noticed that my wrist started to bleed again. So I washed it and put a band aid on it and tried to make it stop. My mother started to yell at me and ask me what was the matter. I however, afraid to tell her said “nothing”. With this feeling of something I need to tell her I got into the car and she told me that she was taking to me to the doctor after school. I told her to don’t even try because it’s not a physical thing. I knew today was the day I needed to tell someone what was the matter. Something that has bothered me for so many years, something that will bother me for another the rest of my life. She turned around and went back home and I ran upstairs and fell asleep. She then came upstairs around 8 and this is the time I needed to tell her. I started to cry and I hesitated for the longest time. I sat there crying non-stop. Thinking about what she would do after this “came out”. With the deepest breath I told her that I was gay. I sat there in silence...the room silence...the crickets making song. (okay maybe not the last one, but it was quite). She looked at me...I looked at her with those sad puppy dog eyes. I told her that I was sorry. She kept looking at me and I kept looking at her. She then hugged me and said “it will be alright and I will be there for you” I was sooo relived...you have no idea. We talked for about 3 hours about it and everything is going to be okay!! =) I can’t believe I could do such a thing. I am so glad she didn’t like go psycho or something...I am actually happy but shy.

Me and Megan are on talking terms but I don’t know for how long. I don’t know where we stand and with me figuring how much love is fake, the “love” I have her was dying on Friday night...hopefully it will get strong again but may take some effort on both sides...

Me and Ashley are not on talking terms and I would like my necklace back as soon as possible. I have nothing against you and that is all I need to say to you at this moment.

My birthday is in 8 days and I will 17. YAY...-Jumps up and down- ~*~
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, September 27th, 2003

Subject:~*~Laughs at himself~*~
Time:9:41 pm.
Mood: giggly.
Well, I’m back and raisin’ hell. LoL! Only kidding...Life is good right now, could be better though. Last night went to the Lock~In at Dwenger and it was boring as hell and I will never ever do that again. It was worth a try though. I’m always up for something new. Anyways...I had to go to the doctor this morning for my wrist because it was bleeding a lot. Last night it’s scratched like a lot and I kept scratching it and it started to bleed and it bled a lot. It’s all bandaged up now and the doctor said I could take them off and put a band aid on it if I thought I should have one. It looked like a burnt mark and my pinky was like numb all night it was really weird. Everything is good now...well not everything I can barely move. My neck popped today and I can’t look to the right. It hurts...ahhh I’m falling apart. Anyways...This morning I got home from the Lock~In at 7:35am (because my mom took me to the doctor) and went to bed. I slept till 3:30pm. Then ate some food and drove to Video Stop. I saw Heather Huffman(from school) cause she works there and said “hey”! She is nice. Got a video game, a movie my mom wanted, and some candy. Then went to Walgreen’s to get some Pepsi and then went home. It was fun. Today has been boring...Right now I’m listening to Ill Nino and waiting for Monique to answer back...hmm where is she...College life, I suppose. I feel great except for my neck which is killing me, I must of pulled something. Grr! Our homecoming was supposed to be last night 9/26 but it got cancelled due to rain. So it is/was tonight and I wonder who won...hmmm! Well tomorrow I will be gone most of the day! Having a life is wonderful. Monday after school I’m going to go apply somewheres because if I get a job soon enough then I can get half of $18,000 to get the car I want! YaY! Tony is excited! -Jumps up and down and does the happy dance- -laughs-
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:~*~Gone~*~
Time:8:16 pm.
Mood: creative.
My love for you burns like a fire,
I need the heat and I want to be near,
When I'm with you I feel ten times higher,
But things have changed I fear.

Gone are the days I longed to be,
Within your marvelous presence,
Scrambling to try so earnestly,
To see you again every chance.

I now am filled with deep remorse,
For my love was taken in vain,
Like racing through the driving course,
Learning you're in the wrong lane.

For so long you were the object of my affection,
The one I thought of daily and nightly too,
I realized what was wrong and made the correction,
Finally realized that I'm not meant for you.

You lie and steal from poor fools like me,
Stupid enough to foolishly give their love away,
I want you to know I will no longer be,
Stupid enough to love you one more day.


~I'll update later...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Subject:~*~Not the best...~*~
Time:9:27 pm.
Mood: worried.
I could show you how I feel but I don't because no one seems to care. Is it me or whenever I find someone to actually cares they just replace me with someone else. Okay maybe they aren't doing such a thing but it sure seems like it. I show you at school or act online or in your arms like I'm happy but in true mental spirit or whatever I am not. Never will be. I don't know why either. It always seems like people are just not caring in one way or another. I just wish it wasn't like this sometimes. Wow venting feels so good. If I could do this more often...I mean talking about it to no one helps to tell you the truth. I don't know if I will make it through this year. I told myself that I wouldn't think about suicide this year but is it really wrong? I mean seriously as long as I don't do it. But hell I don't know if I will make it this year. I mean it's already gettin bad and what I have 153 days left of hell. Can I make it? Could I make it? Who knows. I mean it's getting worse and worse each day. Why? At first it was okay...just fine and dandy. But I knew it wasn't going to last. It never does...! I feel like a worthless peice of shit. That really needs to be a song. I would be all about it because pretty much everyday I feel like a worthless piece or shit. I could be so much better right now...grades are dropping, sleeping pattern is getting worse, people at school are fucking with my head, getting distant with my friends. What does it mean? Anything? I just want to go away and never come back. Without a trace................
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

Subject:~*~Open Up the Gate~*~
Time:10:16 pm.
Mood: lonely.
I see you from the distance
From beyond the fence you made
Hiding all your feelings
Behind your barricade
Oh have you been invaded
Is this the reason why you hide
I know just how you're feeling
I know - let me inside

Open the gate up
Open the gate up - hurry
Open the gate up - hurry

I want to get near you
But you just won't let me in
'Cause you're so scared of losing
Everything you've got within

Come on now you can trust me
Come on and open the door
'Cause I know just how you're feeling
I know - I've been there before

Open the gate up
Open the gate up - hurry
Open the gate up
Hurry hurry hurry hurry
And do it right now
Do it right now
Do it right now
Do it right now - hurry

Do it right now - do it right now
Do it right now - do it right now
And do it right now - do it right now
Do it right now - do it right now
Hurry

Open the gate up
Open the gate up - hurry
Open the gate up
Hurry hurry hurry hurry
Open the gate up - open the gate up
Or I'm gonna knock the damn door down
Open the gate up - open the gate up
Or I'm gonna knock the damn door down
Open the gate up - open the gate up
Or I'm gonna knock the damn door down
Open the gate up - open the gate up
Or I'm gonna knock the damn door down
Down
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, September 21st, 2003

Subject:Spiffy!
Time:1:22 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
So... Wednesday we had more ISTEP+ and that went well and along with Thursday. Those two days were really slow. We had only 4 classes on Wed. but they were all 1 hour long even though are classes are usually 55 min. it seemed too long. Anyways...Friday was a super terrific day. =) I went to school and didn’t do much except take a lot of notes in every class. -Growls- Then after school hung out with Megan and Sam at the front by the doors until my mom came. They went to Once upon a Time in Mexico with Johnny Depp on Friday night and I didn’t want to go. So I called Ashley when I got home from school and tried to figure out what we could do. So we decided to go to the Dwenger game. That was really boring so we just walked around and Ashley and Amy both had on Snider shirts(another High School)...I laughed. Anywho...we pretty much left like before halftime and went back to Ashley’s car. We then drove around for a bit with the music blaring. It was quite entertaining. Then we came back the Firefly and didn’t do much just sat there and talked but it was fun. Especially towards the end...Ashley *wink* Ok...haha! Anyways...Saturday was alright I suppose woke up around 1 and talked to my mom about some interesting stuff. Then went and took a shower with the worst headache ever. Those headaches were you feel lightheaded and you have a pounding headache in between. It wouldn’t go away either. Then my mom went to the grocery store and got some FOOD. lol! Then she came home and I washed her car cause it REALLY needed it. So then we went to my cousins house and I drove. It was fun. I drive fast. LoL! I’m hyper. Then today haven’t done much but hang and that’s what brings me here. MY ARM ITCHES! Ok I’m done now...I love you Ashley! -muah-
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

Subject:~*~Doozy~*~
Time:8:22 pm.
Mood: stressed.
It’s been a crazy two days but I’m still in tact if that makes sense. I’m here to update this journal that has no meaning at all. No one reads it obviously sense I never seem to get comments or anything. -sigh- I posted before that Korn song because that’s an awesome song and I was listening to it and that’s what I felt like when I got home from school. (Wow talk about run-on sentence) Anyways, I guess I should tell you what has been going on. Monday was an alright day and it was very fast. Tuesday however was very slow and very interesting. I woke up about 6:30am and took a shower wishing that I was one of those smart children that knows how to pass the ISTEP+ the first time. That clearly isn’t me. I got all “dolled” up and went out the door around 7:20 and got to school around 7:35 and went upstairs to my locker where there was like two people in the halls. I felt so stupid. Oh well...put my shit away and went to go find Sarah and Melissa because there awesome and cool like me and had to take it over to. We then proceeded to make our way to our room 105 and got there and there wasn’t many people in there. My anatomy teacher and my old American Lit. teacher (the one who failed me) were in there. They gave us candy before we started and the tests were pretty easy except for the Math with a calculator. My God...they make that exceptionally(big words) hard. Oh well got done with ISTEP+ around 11 or so and then went to lunch. I sat with people I didn’t know and some I did. It was alright I guess. Then I heard the smart people coming to school and the bell rang around 12:10 and I went to get my Geometry books. I made my way upstairs and these people just stand there. So I yelled at them and told them to move because I couldn’t get through. (I swear I am breaking out of my shell this year...about damn time) Anyways...went through the rest of the day without a hitch. We had 19 minute classes which was fantastic. Although, very long in some classes which I will not name. (For safety reasons) Then it was time to go home and so I got into my car and my dad informs me that we have no phone. I was like “what”? Someone “supposedly” cut the wires...which I think isn’t true. Now this is where the good stuff comes in. My neighbor named Gary came over and asked us if we had a phone or not and we said that we didn’t. So he was talking to my Dad and blah blah blah. Then around 6:30pm I was sitting upstairs watching The Family Guy (The DVD series...what a hilarious show) when I hear to guys fighting. At first I thought it was my Dad and Gary but it wasn’t. There is this space between my fence and another neighbor’s fence used for the utility companies. So anyways...Gary goes back there and my other crazy neighbor starts spraying Gary with the house and telling him to go away. So they started verbally fighting with “F you” after every other word. LoL! I was watching through my upstairs window and I was laughing non-stop. Anyways...then it got bad. Gary went back to his house and I didn’t hear anything until they started verbally fighting again. So I looked out the window and saw my crazy neighbor spraying him with the hose again. Then I heard a pop like I firework. Ladies and gentlemen it wasn’t no firework it was a gun. I guess Gary decided to shoot him. -sighs- The craziness of people and remember this is practically in my backyard and it’s all unfolding outside my window. I saw everything. I was going to call the police when I remembered there was no phone. So I went back and watch it all unfold some more and then there was cops and ambulances and it was scary. A police officer came over to our house to see if we knew anything and I was questioned by the police over and over again for like 3 hours. Eventually Gary went to jail and I don’t know weather or not he is still there or not. I know that he has to go to a mental hospital though. I also know that my crazy neighbor survived. Sense I had no phone I couldn’t get online so I really wasn’t going to worry about telling anyone. I was questioned by the police till about 11 and then I went to take a shower cause I felt dirty. Then I went to bed. What a eventful night on Tuesday. Wednesday (today) I woke up at 7 and got all “dolled” up and got in the car about 7:25 and got to school about 7:45 and went to my room 105. We had ISTEP+ English and it was hard. We had to write two essays one persuasive and one about some story. It was hard. Then all the smart people came around 10:15 and we went to 4th period which is Morality -rolls eyes- (I hate that class) for 100 minutes. We had it that long because of lunch. Went to lunch about 11:00 and ate lunch and it was all good. Then went back to Morality and had class till 12:00. Then went to 1st period Geometry for 55 minutes. Then 2nd period English Lit., then 3rd period Computer Graphics. I worked on my Tuffy. That would be our Mascot. haha Yea right.... Anyways...Well tomorrow we have ISTEP+ Math then I am done. Finally. I can’t wait. Tony is excited...-does happy dance- and misses Ashley. I <3 you! Sweet dreams...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:3:54 pm.
Mood: drained.
Realized I can never win
Sometimes I feel like I have failed
Inside where do I begin
My mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame
Arent we suppose to be the same
Thats why I will never change
This thing thats burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I am alive full of pain
I feel the anger changing me

Sometimes I can never tell
If I got something to help the pain
Thats why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame
Arent we suppose to be the same
Thats why I will never change
This thing thats burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I am alive full of pain
I feel the anger changing me

Beaten
I feel so
Insane
I really
Tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel alive full of pain
I feel the anger changing me

O god the angers changing me
O god the angers changing me
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, September 14th, 2003

Subject:Death (Short Poem)
Time:8:34 pm.
Mood: calm.
Death is coming
Death is near
Death is what I hear
Death awaits for me
Death looks me in the eye
Death is here
Death makes me say
Goodbye...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:~*~Gloomy Outlook~*~
Time:5:07 pm.
Mood: lonely.
So this weekend has gone by fast. I didn’t really do much but still haven’t been able to update. Like I said I didn’t do much this weekend but lets see. Friday, the football game was at Northrop and I didn’t want to go to that because I only usually go to the home games. So I went to Megan’s. Me, Megan, and Allen went to the mall and other places and just had fun. Still wishing for someone though. Kinda felt left out but it was alright. We had fun anyways. We went to the video store and rented House of 1000 Corpses and an X-Box game. The game was confusing and the movie I thought sucked. We however had to turn it off because Megan’s sister who is five came home and the movie was bad and rated “R”. I then decided I wanted to go home so I called my dad and he picked me up around 10pm and went home. I got online and talked to Ashley for awhile and then went to bed. Then yesterday I went to the mall again with my cousin and we ate at Burger King. Then I came home and got online and chatted for almost 4 hours. Then I got off and watched Mad TV and SNL. Then went to bed. Today has been kinda boring. It’s very ugly outside. So gloomy. Kinda depressing. Life is alright right now. No one in it to keep me on track(meaning no relationship) but I manage. This week should be pretty easy considering I have ISTEP+. I think it’ll be a fast week and then it will be Homecoming week. Homecoming week is by far the best part of High School. We get to dress down everyday but we still have class but then on Friday we have like a lil pep session...and it’s interesting. I like homecoming because you can see how people really are clothing wise. Everyone has so many different styles. You can see all the Abercrombie children and then “I don’t care what it is just as long as it fits” children. (That’s me) Hehe... Oh well...It’s and interesting week. I must get past this week though before any fun can happen...-takes one day at a time-
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

Subject:~*~Looks Around~*~
Time:8:41 pm.
Mood: naughty.
Today was alright I suppose. We had a 2 hour delay so I didn’t have to go to school till 9:55am and it was so great sleeping in. Whatever sleeping in means....I woke up at 8:00am. On weekdays I can’t sleep in for some reason unless I am sick. Today was weird though in the same sense. Well I got to school at 9:30 and it was packed and I just stood there in the hall until I saw Emily and I talked to her for awhile and I was waiting for the bell and I kept waiting. Then the bell finally rang at 9:40 for some reason. Usually it rings at 9:35 but it rang late so I went up to my locker to get my books and then went to see Megan and Sam. They weren’t there yet and so I just talked to Melissa, Rachael, and Emily. Then Sam came and told me Megan never answered the door when she came to get picked up which I thought was odd. So I was sad. So I went about my day without any Megan and then I went to lunch. I saw Scott’s “boyfriend”. I don’t know if he is lying to me or not about him but his name is Nick and he is a cutie. Anyways...then I went to the bathroom and OMG I saw the funniest thing. I walked into the restroom and these two guys had there pants down all the way and they were right next to each other peeing. I laughed and then got out of the bathroom as soon as I could. It was interesting. Then I went through the day until the end of 5th period and I saw MEGAN and I was happy. I guess she slept in a little too late. Like 12:30 or something...lol! Anyways...I then went too 6th and then 7th and we finished our dissecting our mice...ew...! It wasn’t to pleasing and the smell was so disgusting. Oh well...I have three tests tom. Vocabulary, Geometry, and Anatomy. =( I studied but I should study some more before I go to bed. I have ISTEP+ next week and I have to pass it this time. I’m really determined to pass it. I don’t want the pressure to be on me in Senior year. I think for tomorrow I am going to go to Megan’s house because I can’t be at my own house. My mom is kicking me out for the night. She is having some party. So I think I’ll just hang out at her house till late or whenever my mom will let me come home. -winks to Megan- Just kidding...What’s with girls and ties? I have to wear a tie everyday and it’s like all the girls tug on my tie. It’s purty weird if you ask me. Or I am just weird. That’s probably it. You should see my buddy list. hahaha. It’s funny there is 11/72 people on and everyone has there away message on. That’s never happened before. Well anyways...I am going to go ummm....look around for “stuff” while I wait for someone to get on so I can talk to them. God Bless America! Sweet Dreams...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Subject:~*~Green Things~*~
Time:4:14 pm.
Mood: happy.
I'm a lot happier today...me and megan are better now and I no matter what am going to be happy for her. I love her a lot and hopefully she loves me back. =) OMG today in Morality my teacher asked this guy named Joe III or something like that if he was going to have a Joe the fourth and he said "No I am gay" and everyone gasped and then he said not really. I got BRIGHT red because I'm bi/gay/i don't know which one..and my teacher had to talk about it and I almost died. I'm scared that we are going to have to talk about that in that class....well I know we will. OH GOD...anywho...I made a new drink up today at lunch called TROOP (props to Rachael for the name and props to Megan to offer the drink that I mixed it with). It's a blue berry icee with orange drink and it makes a green poop color...lol -laughs- So I drank some of it and it tasted like Trix cereal so with that makes TROOP. Trix and Poop put together. YAY! It was soooo yummy...lol! STOP LAUGHING! You should try it sometimes. Then I hurt adrienne by hitting her with my lunch card...lol...I'm sorry adrienne I love you. OOOO green....-points at it and walks towards it-
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Time:4:05 pm.
Mood: crushed.
She doesn't understand the love I had for here until now it's leaving my body and she said goodbye have a nice life. With those words from her I'm going away unto the hell of fire and she said I would see her there but I hope she raises and goes to Heaven. I messed up and it's all my fault with words of no life in the i love you for the last time it's over it will be okay. Even though I miss her already I can't say I'm sorry cause she won't believe my life is ruined and death comes into my life. I'm think of hurting and killing myself but it'll be okay. No one needs me around anymore. Crying with tears of blood waiting for her to come back but i know in the back of my mind i won't ever see her again. I love you so much...
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:~*~Broken~*~
Time:9:57 am.
Mood: blank.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I've been alone all along...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, September 6th, 2003

Subject:~*~Missing~*~
Time:9:20 pm.
Mood: irate.
Today was just excellent...or something like that. Last night I wasn’t happy at all with Megan & Sam. Although Kali and Rachael probably hate me too...for hanging out will my friends from a different school. I didn’t know I wasn’t aloud to do such a thing...? I heard that Sam called me a bitch...hmm if it’s true what a great and nice friend she is. I didn’t even talk to Megan the whole night. The first thing to come out of her mouth was “So are you to cool to hang out with us now”. She has Allen and I don’t make such comments like that, but if she wants to be like that then I can do that. If she wants to “bring it” then by all means lets go. Me and her friendship is pretty much over. I hate being pushed away and ignored and she knew exactly how it felt last night. I mean if Ashley and Amy weren’t there last night Megan STILL wouldn’t have talked to me. While were on the topic of last night it was actually fun besides the whole “friends” thing. Ashley and Amy are great. I was excited to see Ashley because the last time I saw her was August 15th. That was the first time I saw Amy though and she was pretty nice. We partied by Amy’s car for awhile because the football game was boring as hell. Even though Amy was trying to find a hot guy from Dwenger. It was funny. But yeah we left at halftime and we went the Firefly which is a coffee house and Ashley and Amy didn’t want to go in because they were scared of all the gothic people...lol. Anyways there was a chick from Northside which used to go to Dwenger named Britany and she had this pacifier thing that like lit up and I was all about that. She had A LOT of pixie sticks too and we were eating them. I think Amy was a little scared though but we talked for awhile and we looked at her new schedule and stuff. Then these Northside kids came over and asked for candy because they knew Britany and it was funny yet weird cause they said that Dwenger guys were chasing them....haha thats funny. I did see another friend from Northside named Lexie. I haven’t seen her forever and I love her. I know you read this Lexie so it was nice seeing you and I will call you soon. Anyways...after that Rachael for some un-called reason came over to Britany and slapped her and me, Ashley, and Amy just walked away and they started to fight. I was like what the hell was that for. I didn’t even see Rachael slap Britany I was looking the other way. Then I heard a slap and looked over and I saw them two fighting. I would like a explanation on that one. Then Britany started to cry and stuff and we told her it would be alright. Then her dad came and took her home. Then I went into the Firefly to take a piss...-laughs- and then came out and for some unknown reason Kali, Rachael, Allen, Megan, Sam and some other people I don’t even know have this wall made...? I was like what the hell and I just walked past them and went and talked to Ashley and Amy. I would like an explanation on that too. What was the wall a meaning of...you were going to stop me? Good work on doing that...? Then I called my mom because Amy was cold and wanted to go but Ashley, I don’t think wanted to leave and I didn’t want to either. But I called her anyways and told her to pick me up. Then we all got into Amy’s car cause we were cold and then my mom came really fast too because she was right down the street at my cousins house. Then I got out of the car and gave Ashley a hug and kissed me on the neck...hehe. I gave her my spiky necklace earlier in the night and I told her she could keep it for awhile. So she did and I told Amy goodnight and my goodbyes and then got into my car. While hearing “I love you Tony” in the background from Megan. Then today I get IM’s from Megan saying that she stood up for me when things were said...another explanation on what was said besides what Sam decided to call me? If you guys are going to be like that then is there a point in calling you people my friends? I’m sure you talked about me last night when you were all in a circle and how big of a “bitch” I am. If I am such a bitch why do you guys hang around me so much. Don’t think I’m forgiving you for calling me things when I didn’t do anything in the first place. Thanks for being great friends and making me believe that you people are what we call “best friends”. Well not anymore because some people can’t keep there damn mouths shut and have to act cool and call there “best friend” a bitch when frankly all you had to do was talk to me and I would of talked to you. But sense you didn’t have any courage to come up to me and start a conversation then that triggers in your mind that I am a bitch? Wow thanks...such good friends we have become...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, September 4th, 2003

Subject:~*~What the fuck~*~
Time:9:18 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Why did LJ change? It was fine as it was and now they go and change it now it's slower then hell and it kicks me out and shit. Dumb piece of shit! -growls-
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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

Subject:~*~I dun care~*~
Time:9:15 pm.
Mood: morose.
Well today went well...not really. I stayed home from school because I was "sick". I have this allergy problem and my stomach has been hurting like shooting pains and stuff. How entertaining...Well tom. I'm going to school, hmm great. Get to see the people who love me, yeah or something like that. I wish I didn't have a headache. My body is really tight and stuff it sucks. Oh well I can't miss another day of school. Last year I missed like 5 days in a row and it was a problem for a bit. Oh well..I caught up. So whats one day? This is the most pointless entry I've ever done...wow...oh well. Goodnight to the people who read this pointless journal...

~*~Scooby2~*~
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Saturday, August 30th, 2003

Subject:~*~Johnny Depp is so hot~*~
Time:11:41 pm.
Mood: devious.
Ok I went to the movies tonight with my cousins right when I got done babysitting and we went to see Pirates of the Caribean. Well the movie started at 7:30pm and we got to Jefferson Pointe(it's an outside mall with a huge ass movie theater) and we attempted to find a parking spot for like over 30 minutes. We eventually found one at 7:35pm and and bolted to the line to get our tickets...of course the line was like really long. So we get up there and we get the last 4 tickets...it was fate. Anyways...we couldn't find a seat anywhere so we split up me and cc in one place and emily and Do-Hee in another. Anyways...the movie was a 91/2 outta 10. It was so good...and we all agreed it was great. How is it that a man like Johnny Depp can be so hot? Damn. lol!! After that I got dropped off around 10:30pm and decided to get online...tada...I just finished bitching out some chick for questioning me about the whole "gay" things. Yes people I get a bit bitchy when people fuck with me about it. LoL! Well that was my entertaining fun filled night...=)
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Subject:~*~Objects Thrown At Me~*~
Time:5:05 pm.
Mood: hyper.
I haven't updated in a while so I'm here for an awesome update...or something. I haven't done much sense the last time I updated except finish school for the week. I don't like school and never will but this year it's really different and people are actually nice. Hmmm..odd. Still single...-sighs-. I am hyper but not in the bouncing of the walls kind of way if that is possible. Maybe cause it's Saturday and I love Saturdays. Although, I think I'm getting a cold. I woke up this morning and had a sore throat. YAY! lol...not really! Anyways...yesterday I went to the doctors office while my girls went to the mall. Wow aren't I lucky I got to go somewhere funner. Hehe...not really. Anyways..at the doctors office I got my 3 week allergy shot and it hurt so fucking bad. It still does. The smaller the shot is the more it hurts and it was really small and it still hurts. I feel like I have a huge ass bruise on my arm. I'm sure I will by Monday. Speaking of Monday....NO SCHOOL. Hell ya! But I have so much homework that I will prolly be really busy during the whole day. Hopefully not.-looks around and bolts for the door- =)Side note: Everything is good...=)
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